It must be frustrating being a witch, you spend the whole year being ignored but suddenly for one day, everywhere you look it’s witches, wizards and ghosts galore. Seriously annoying to find someone stealing your style, especially when they seem to get it so terribly wrong. I sent our intrepid reporter Picklewitch, from the hilarious and heart-warming, ‘Picklewitch and Jack,’ on an investigative mission to work out what exactly is going on and with the help of the spooktacular Claire Barker they’ve created this ghouly report.
PICKLEWITCH’S HALLOWEEN REPORT
Listen up whizzcrackers, coz Picklewitch is now speeking.*Coff*.
Lately it has come to my attention that peeple (otherwise known as Boxies) have become very interested in all things witchy. All summer I’ve been wearing my pointy hat, putting up with rood questions from dreadful strangers. ‘Take it off’ sez Jack ‘You’re so embarrassing’. ‘NO’ sez I, coz I is proud to be a witch all the time, even on the beach.
But now it’s autumn and suddenly everyone wants to look like me. I asked Jack why, and he said it was because of something called Halloween. Well, I was SO cross, steam squeaked out of my ear’oles! ‘What about the rest of the year?’ sez I, ‘witchery is a full-time job; you can’t burst in and out of it like a sneeze. I’ve got a certificate!’ I knew he was scared because he gave me his pumpkin muffin. And it is troo; it DID make me feel nice and peeceful straight away. Yum.
Still, it’s not right, coz it’s all wrong. For example, wot about all these pictures of witches with cats? CATS ARE FUDGENUTS. And why are they wearing dresses when it’s perfectly obvious to anyone with eyes that I wear dungarees. WHERE is their spider pocket? WHERE is their cake flap? Also, why is they always carrying brooms about? They need to be counting the cheeky sparrows in their hair, or dancing with the magpies or summoning the storm wolf not sweeping. Kleening is for Boxies, in their houses full of fandangling trumpery.
But, twelve cakes later, I have reconsidered. I remembered that manners is important to witches. Therefore I have decided to share my expertise, instead of turning everyone into wonky-eyed gibbons.
So, if you are going to be a real witch, it is quite simple. You will just need the following: a magical grimoire full of your best and most pryvit spells, a kestrel called Kenneth, a bag full of preshus things like skulls, binoculars and fruit stickers. Also you will need a temperamental secret garden and the ability to summon all the birds in England. Then ask yourself the following questions:
* Do I live in a tree?
* Do I smell of mushrooms?
* Am I the best friend ever?
* Am I always, always right?
If the answer is yes to all of these, then YOU my friend, are a twenty-four seven, three hundred and sixty-five, twenty-first century witch. 💫
Thank you to the fabulous Picklewitch and Claire Barker for this whizz-cracking Halloween report with their top tips on working out if you is a real witch or just an ordinary boxie. If you want to find out more about the mischief Picklewitch gets caught up in, ‘Picklewitch and Jack,’ by Claire Barker, illustrated by Teemu Juhani is available online now and from any good bookshop.
Faber have a fabulous activity pack to entertain your little witches and boxies available here.